Vol. 124 - How to Mock Obama's fuel-saving tire gauge suggestion

2008-08-05T19:50:00.001-07:00

That's right, I said "mock".

Mark Salter, a top adviser to John Mccain, gleefully distributed tire pressure gauges to Mccain’s traveling press corps on Monday morning, a sight gag meant to mock Barack Obama’s remark last week that “making sure your tires are properly inflated” could help conserve gasoline.
CNN Article

The next day at a town-hall meeting in Racine, Wis., Sen. Mccain mocked what his campaign dubbed the "Air In Our Tires" proposal. "He suggested we put air in our tires to save on gas," Sen. Mccain said.
WSJ Article

John Mccain and his Republican Party are gleefully mocking Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama's suggestion that properly inflated tires could help save oil.
AP Article: "Fact Check: Properly inflated tires cut gas use."

Mark Salter and John Mccain relax after a long tire pressure gauge strategy/mocking session.

Ah, the modern-era Republican political machine. Frothing at the mouth when they perceive blood in the water, thirsting for the chance to make fun of things that sound funny and stupid to them. "HA FUCKING TIRE GAUGES?!?!? TIURE PRESSURE SAVES GAS? FFFUCCCK YOU IT DOES THATS THE STUPIDEST SHIT IE VEVER HEARD YOU FUCKING IDIOTS THATS YOUR SOLUTION TO FUCKING GAS PRICES!?!?!?1?"

This is not just ignorance, this is belligerent ignorance.

There's no time for 0.015 seconds of research, no time to even read your own government's research and recommendations (through the federal agency he hates and has been trying to gut, the EPA, and the ultra-liberal US Department of Energy), no time to hear their own Republican Governors Schwarzenegger (Whack-job environmentalist from CA) and Crist (Tire-inflating idiot from FL) talking about THE SAME IDEA:

"Both governors appealed to those with the real power to make change -- average citizens -- to drive slower, keep engines tuned and tires properly inflated, to buy hybrids and lower overall consumption."
LA Times Article

...no time to listen when NASCAR (Arcticle title from that flaming liberal mouthpiece Nascar.com: "Tire maintenance key to safety, fuel economy") shares their actual knowledge of cars and fuel, no time to read newpapers or books or listen to a moon-bat high school student who goes spreading their moronic ideas across the whole country for some damn reason-- she must be a fucking stupid liberal caught up in Obama-mania even though she started this like seven years ago.

No. You've no time for any of that research and understanding shit, because you're a modern-era Republican campaign operative and here's what you have time and money for:

1) Obama opposition research--not actual research, mind you, just listening to him talk and looking for a "GOTCHA!!!" few seconds and spotting one sentence of a speech.

2) Gathering a vague understanding of what he's talking about, and laughing, laughing because it sounds so silly! H@H!HHAHAHAHA FUCKING TIRE PRESSURE GAUGES!?!!? THAT IS SOME FUNNY ASS SHIT!!!!! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THOSE DO!!

3) writing a fundraising email "we're gonna NAIL him on this onE!!!11"

4) using the money to go out and buy thousands of tire pressure gauges ("well ok, but should we put the 300 million flip-flops order on hold then? and what about the hilarious Curious-Obama-is-a-monkey shirts order!?")

5) Running the idea by the upper echelons of the Mccain campaign, who LAUGH AND LAUGH ANDAHG "OHMYFUCKINGGOD HE SAID THAT!?!?!?" and they sign on off on a larger purchase, and spread the memo to the entire campaign that says TOP PRIORITY: ALL FUNDRAISERS AND CAMPAIGN EVENTS AND PRESS CONFERENCES FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS WILL FEATURE US MAKING FUN OF OBAMA FOR HIS CAMPAIGN-ENDING "CORRECT TIRE PRESSURE SAVES GAS" GAFFE

6) Re-assigning the guy editing Exxon Mobil's drafts of Mccain's Energy Policy to instead draft press releases about what a fucking moron Obama and how shitty his stupid ideas about tire pressure are.

7) Getting your hard-working idealistic young Republicans, who signed up to help spread the word about Mccain's 'fiscally conservative policies', to instead HAND OUT FUCKING TIRE GAUGES to his audience and the press--but, no, not to use the gauges to save them money in a clever and unexpected way, it's so THEY CAN MAKE FUN OF THE TIRE PRESSURE GAUGES AND LAUGH AT THEM and then THROW THEM ON THE GROUND ON THE WAY OUT.

8) Enjoying a rum and coke or five at the end of a hard week's work and spit up laughing when someone says the word "conserve" or "save money on gas" or "tire" or "gauge" or "pressure", or even stupid ideas twice-removed but still hilarious like "research" and "science".

9) Ignoring the nagging feeling (from that annoying vestigial human organ the 'conscious') that you are actually actively destroying the country you love, and finally falling asleep with a healthy rum buzz.

That's what you have time for if you've worked for a major Republican campaign in the last eight years. PRIORITIES PEOPLE!!!

Must feel great to see all your hard work and planning come to fruition:

Democrat shithead Obama thinks these will help you save money on gas!!111!! LOL!!!! LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!

and these bold new Republican ideas help you get MONEY MONEY MONEYS:

Obama is a fucking moron so give us more money so we can let everyone know about his shitty ideas!!!11!! LOLOLOL TIRE PRESSURE!!!!!??!!

At no point during Operation Republican Political Machine Attacks Obama's Tire Gauge Plan was there a calm voice of reason saying "Oh, yeah, I heard that once" or "Yeah, it's true, that works" or even "Let's spend 000.000000001 seconds doing a Google search to see if that's true". Had that thought crossed anyone's mind, they would have let his little helpful tip to save money on gas pass by unnoticed--or better yet, stolen it for their own candidate's speech.

You see, it's not just that the Mccain campaign was ignorant at every level of management. They were belligerently ignorant. They went on the attack about something they clearly had no clue about--before they thought, before they cared to think. They "gleefully" handed out tire pressure gauges in some grand gesture of a joke and chuckled to themselves with self-satisfaction. You can almost here the budding Roves brains humming and sparking with excitement. "We've... we've..... we.............. we've got the new Kerry Flip-flop idea!!!! WE'VE GOT IT!!! IT WORKED LAST TIME BECAUSE WE GAVE OUT FLIP FLOPSAND THEN KERRY LOST SO GIVE ME TEN THOUSAND MORE TIRE GAUGES!!!!!"

This belligerent ignorance is what regular people hate about the modern-era political scene, and nobody plays that card better then the Republican campaign machine and conservative radio talk-show hosts. Rich, Ivy League men from the upper echelons of American society use baffling and ironic words like "elitists" to describe the people who put forth ideas they either a) don't understand or b) don't profit from.

Belligerent ignorance would be laughable and pathetic if it weren't so dangerous.

(For examples of how dangerous it can be, see the Republican Tactics Encyclopedia 2000-2008, especially "Volume 23 - Going to War with the Evidence You Have, Not the Evidence You Want" and "Volume 79 - How to Ignore and Make Fun of Global Warming")

Belligerent Ignorance

Vol. 124 - How to Mock Obama's fuel-saving tire gauge suggestion